A summary of 2016

Well anyone you ask will tell you the same thing, 2016 has been shit. And I will agree with that; I’ve never had a shitter year than 2016.  And here’s why:

In December 2015 I went on holiday to South Africa and had the time of my life, only to come back to the UK unemployed, penniless, sad and lonely. There was a glimmer of hope when I got a job half way through January but then they let me go because they hired too many people.

Then in February I went to see a friend of mine in Liverpool to lift my spirits because I was down and needed some fun. And it was great until she decided to throw me out of her life for reasons I shan’t disclose.

Then there were a couple of months of nothingness. By which I mean I felt nothing, did nothing, wanted nothing. I fell into a downward spiral of depression. It got to the point where I didn’t want to live anymore and I was researching quick/painless ways to kill oneself. It was a dark, dark time. It led to me splitting up with my long distance girlfriend, which was hard but for the best.

Toward the end of April I managed to get a job with a building society as a mortgage processor. It was a decent job with fantastic pay. The downside was that it was a high-pressure job, dealing with people’s lives and operating under constant scrutiny. Mistakes were not permitted. At this point I was still depressed and I had a breakdown of anxiety as well. I was going to the toilet a lot so I could cry because I couldn’t cope. It led to me being physically ill and so I had to take time off sick. After only 7 weeks I had to leave because I couldn’t deal with it. So that’s another failure I had to feel worthless about.

Upon leaving I went to visit my doctor for help with my mental state: something that was far from easy to do. She suggested I may have depression and social anxiety and gave me the number for an NHS counselling service. So I called them and had a telephone analysis, which confirmed the GP’s guess. And so I was put on a waiting list to receive counselling. (I intend to do a post about counselling and how to deal with certain mental issues)

So I had a while to figure out what I actually wanted to do with my life; I was sick of doing stuff just because I felt like I had to. I had time to reflect on what I wanted to do. I came to the decision that I wanted to write. I have always enjoyed writing and reading so why not do it professionally? In order to do that I would need to study. So I did my research and found a college course that would get me into uni and I looked at uni websites and went to some open days and found a lot of courses I liked for English with Creative Writing emphasised. I got a place at college, hooray.

Then in August I started working in a petrol station. Worst fucking job ever. I was forced to work a mixture of day and night shifts, which fucked up my already fucked up sleeping pattern. The boss was a bitch, the workers were troglodytes, the pay was shit, the work was mind numbing and unchallenging. So it was less than satisfying. The final straw was when I was working on my own and had a panic attack, leading to me being taken to hospital in an ambulance (nothing serious it turns out). My bitch of a manager couldn’t accept my issues and fired me. Though it was a relief, it pissed me off and left me in the shit again.

Just before I started college in September, I started my counselling (I’ll touch on it in this post but I intend on doing a full post on counselling). This gave me the tools and awareness I needed to deal with my issues. And it helped me get through my days without crying or contemplating life/death. And I am so much better off for it.

Then college started and shit started getting real. I have met some amazing people on my course and that makes it a lot easier to cope with everything. The work has been pretty tough so far but I’m doing better than I expected to, though there’s still some room for improvement. Along with the socialising and work, I have had to deal with UCAS and applying for unis. It’s a scary process (I must have redone my personal statement about 50 times). However, I have thus far received 3 conditional offers, which is awesome.

And I now have a job in a shop, which I managed to procure randomly, selling sex toys and porn. It’s a chilled job and it pays really well and I ‘m happy with it.

AND WORST OF ALL ALAN BLOODY RICKMAN DIED AND I CANNOT COPE WITH THAT!!!

So it’s fair to say I have had a shit year. But I have taken control of my life now and I’m putting myself first for a change. And because of this, things are looking up for me.

So here we are, going into 2017 and starting a new year and a new cycle. I have a new outlook and control over myself. I also have faith that it will be a much better year, with a lot of exploring and new experiences. So here we go…